i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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