You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
