just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
And then he peed in my hair
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