she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
