I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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