My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
