This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize