Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
