Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize