just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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