are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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