No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
