i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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