Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize