there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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