he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
