There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
