sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
