so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
