omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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