My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
