at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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