dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
