For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just high enough for therapy.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
