"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize