Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
only you would photoshop your dick
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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