I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
