I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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