dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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