My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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