I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
