I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
