He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
