Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
