a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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