i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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