I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
