I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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