I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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