all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize