Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
