I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My pussy is not your playground.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
