I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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