you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize