I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
