i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
