Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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