Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize