I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
