I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize