He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
