I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
