it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
