I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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