I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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