Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Is it because I queefed?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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