I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
This show inspires me to have sex in space
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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