haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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