its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
