After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
