Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We smell like vodka and hangover
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
