a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
