I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize