I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
