i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize