i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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