Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
