How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
