Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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