My hand turned me down
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
