Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
