dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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