Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I enjoy the company of your penis
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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