oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
