I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
