He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
