just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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